


An Old Moon And The Stars

by XtaticPearl



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers Family, Bruce Banner & Tony Stark Friendship, Bucky Barnes & Tony Stark Friendship, Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Civil War (Marvel), Clint Barton & Tony Stark Friendship, Established Relationship, Families of Choice, Hurt Steve, Hydra (Marvel), M/M, Memory Alteration, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Avengers, Protective Jarvis (Iron Man movies), Protective Natasha, Protective Nick Fury, Protective Steve, Protective Wanda Maximoff, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov Friendship, The Author Regrets Nothing, They Are Called 'Avengers' For A Reason, Tony Stark Hates Magic, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, but not what you think
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-04
Updated: 2016-08-05
Packaged: 2018-05-08 10:54:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5494571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XtaticPearl/pseuds/XtaticPearl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony Stark had a fickle memory. He also was a genius, a sponge for information and fascinating theories. The Avengers had never really bothered about it much. It was just how Tony was.</p><p>But when Tony is kidnapped by a Hydra facility and returns home after four months, they are starting to wish that Tony didn't have a fickle memory. Because you can remind someone who had forgotten, but you cannot remind someone who remembers things differently.</p><p>Rated Explicit for non-romantic reasons. Trigger warnings included.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Coming Home

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what happened honestly. Please, I beg of you, if you have trigger issues, read this with discretion.  
> Trigger Warnings: Mind-Control, Implied Sexual Exploitation, Induced Hallucinations, Nazi paraphernalia, Mentions of racist abuse, Self-Harm, Self-Hate. This is Hydra we're talking about, so please add 10% to every asshole thing the movies have suggested.  
> This is fiction and you are real. You are loved by people. You are cared for by people. You deserve happiness. Please remember that, my loves. I love you ALL a lot and send you positive energy. If you do decide to give this fic a chance and read it completely, please do leave your feedback? Lots of love, Pearl.

Steve was never a fan of cliched phrases. You know, the kinds like  _absence makes the heart grow fonder_ ,  _all's fair in love and war_ and such. His favorite one to hate was a surprising one: The show must go on.

No, it shouldn't. Not everything in the world is dispensable or replaceable. Not everyone gets to move on.  

He should know, because he surely hasn't. He swore furiously when a shot missed him and scraped by his ear.

Wallowing in self-pity during missions? Yeah, not a good plan of action.

"Head in the game, Cap" Natasha muttered in the comm and took down another masked 'soldier' with a vengeful strike. The ex-spy was being extra brutal in this mission. Actually, everybody was being brutal today. 

It was the first mission since The Disappearance. That's what they called it now. Bucky would start growling every time somebody said kidnapping and Steve knew that Clint was just an arrowhead away from putting people down whenever they mentioned 'Possible assassination'. Natasha and Thor were acutely ignoring any talk related to it because they were in charge of keeping Bruce calm. Wanda, Vision, Pietro and Sam were given the assignment of recovering him. Recovering Tony. Who had been taken from under their noses four months back. Coulson had put his foot down when he chose the four Avengers. They were the most objective when it came to this mission. They were the safest ventures.

It went unsaid that they were also the only ones who would rescue Tony first and then kill the bastards who took him. The rest would probably do it the other way around in their rage.

_"--I don't understand, Coulson! We can't even trace him--"_

_"--been a month now! What are we missing?--"_

_"--no, Buck, you can't kill Fury. No! Stop--"_

_"--can't stop looking now. It's been 2 months but we can't stop--"_

_"--It's all my fault. God, Pepper, I can't do this--"_

_"--WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO?! I SWEAR TO GOD FURY--"_

_"--it's better that we don't go. No, Clint, we aren't the best to do this--"_

_"--first sign of him and you call me. Jesus, Sam, everybody is losing it here--"_

_"--we have to take a mission. We can't-we have to be engaged in something--"_

Steve knew that he was worse than his team but he wasn't ashamed of that. He didn't care if the people found it 'weak' that Captain America was getting anxious over his boyfriend. Pepper had slayed the media when they tried to mock the Avengers for being 'emo kids with uncontrolled issues'. Coulson had taken care of the WSC when they had objected to keeping Avengers out of regular missions to search for one person.

None of the Avengers cared about what the world thought about them right now. They had proven it by supporting each other constantly, silently. Nobody was let to be alone. They couldn't do that, not when one of their own was lost to the wind.

"How many fuckers more?" Bucky grunted as he threw another smug Hydra minion into a wall. Bucky  **hated** Hydra missions with a fury of a volcano. But he couldn't sit out of this one. With the team split between two missions, he had to swallow the bitter pill and work against the monsters who put him through hell. 

"Depends on how many explosions you see," Clint snarked back over the comm. He was taking particular delight in bringing down group after group of the crazy freaks here. With no Tony to share his madness, and forced to sit out of the rescue search, he was inching towards insanity with every arrow that left his quiver.

"Tis getting long now Steven, may I simply bring the wrath of Mjolnir on them?" Thor boomed from about a mile across from Steve. The Captain had told them to not wipe out the entire area without discovering the latest shitfest Hydra had conceived. They needed to get inside the fortress and gather any piece of evidence. 

"HULK END NOW!" the roar was angry but Steve understood the sentiment nevertheless. They had been trying to dash through the ever-growing army of Hydra goons and infiltrate into the inner tower. Steve could see his team reaching their limit's end. They could break down the tower, with Thor and Hulk on their side. But something, some instinct told Steve that they shouldn't do it yet.

"No. There might be hostages. Concentrate on getting a soft spot," Steve reiterated and swung his shield viciously, letting his anger seep through his movements.

"If there are hostages, they're gonna be dead anyway," Bucky spat, struggling to keep his composure as he clenched and unclenched his prosthetic arm. He had become particularly affected by Tony's disappearance. He could see Steve breaking every day without the idiot. He also felt insecure himself with the loss of the snarky buddy he could count on always. The arm was reminding him of Tony and this place was reminding him of his brain-washing - neither of them were going well for the suckers who tried to fight Bucky Barnes today. 

"Let's hope they're not," the familiar voice from the sky almost made Steve almost miss his target and get killed. Thor had no such qualms; he completely missed his target and blew up the group Clint was aiming at. Eh, Hydra Hydra everywhere, not a Hydra to spare, Clint thought before spotting the three new additions to their team.

"Sa- Falcon?!" Steve corrected his slip-up and saw that Sam, Wanda and Vision were joining them. He didn't see Pietro but a second later, heard him.

"I'm in!" the elder Maximoff shouted into his comm "Hey, Birdies, time to be Santas!"

Before anybody could question anything, Sam and Vision flew past them and hovered over the fortress for a second before finding the opening Pietro had marked. Steve saw them dash into the hole.

He saw Wanda use her powers to manipulate the soldiers on the ground and make them clash with each other. Clint was already calling Thor, who was now picking him up and dropping into the hole Sam had used. 

It was almost a terribly synchronized move that happened after that. Steve, Natasha, Bucky and Hulk seemed to have understood the same thought simultaneously. Wanda had taken just one look at Steve and commanded, taking charge of her new puppets effortlessly.

"Go."

In a fraction of a second, Natasha was stopping Hulk from entering the fast falling building and Bucky was racing with Steve to get into the haunting place.

They seemed to have finally found their missing Avenger. In a Hydra facility.

Steve was forcing the crumbling Steve Rogers part of him behind the much needed Captain America. He could already hear Pietro's angry shout and didn't bother to wait for Bucky to catch up anymore.

Bucky saw Steve launch over the stairs and sped up his own legs. _If they had hurt Tony even an inch..._

The ex-sergeant was having a rapid onslaught of flashbacks but drowned them under the only concern right now. He had to get his friend out of here  _right now_. Bucky really did hate the Hydra missions, but if anything happened to Tony Stark today, he would make it his personal mission to burn them to the ground entirely.

When Steve skidded to a stop at the door of the room Pietro's voice came from, he felt the most violent bout of nausea hit him. It didn't help when seconds later, Bucky crashed into him from behind, still high from his adrenaline. He distantly heard Bucky swear ferociously.

"Fucking hell."

Well, that was probably the best description of the visual in front of them, Steve thought faintly before his feet moved forward involuntarily.

Clamped to a dentist's chair was a frail and unbearably spare looking Tony. His eyes were closed, possibly due to exhaustion or being knocked out (Steve was  **not** thinking about anything else). His upper body was naked and his lower half was covered by-

Steve was never more thankful for Thor's cape. The red of the silky cloth was terrifyingly dark against the bloodless looking body but Steve was sure that nobody could stomach the reality he was suspecting right now. 

The supersoldier heard Bucky edge forward and stand next to Clint who was trying to calm him in hushed whispers. But Steve knew that Bucky wasn't looking at Tony's body. He was looking at the machines hooked to his body. 

"Don't touch them," Steve heard himself saying in a voice that he was certain should never belong to him "Call-Call Bruce. We need Bruce."

They couldn't risk yanking out any wires or tubes without knowing what would happen. They couldn't make a mistake right now. Steve could feel the other men in the room physically ground themselves from touching Tony or the machines. Clint's bow was twanging nervously and Thor was muttering under his breath, which was the human equivalent of a normal tone. They didn't understand the language but knew that the Norse Prince was sending fervent prayers for strength to the All-Father.

Vision had flown out of the room, presumably to bring Bruce in. He was the best candidate for the job, with his voice reminding Hulk of Jarvis- a calming familiarity needed to stay stable. Steve though, was most thankful to the calm body that came to stand beside him silently.

"We got a lead from Stuttgart, from a stray AIM facility," Sam said softly, keeping his voice strictly professional and calm, "There was a rookie there, Erwick Schwatz, who got too drunk and was heard spilling strange things. One of our men there sent us a tip and we had a little chat with him. Wanda was the one he seemed to be most comfortable with, so we let her do the questioning. The AIM base had data that were linked to a Hydra experiment. Coulson was able to help with the location decoding."

"Steve, he's going to be fine," Sam said finally, his years of experience with traumatized men making him a stable force, "We got him. He's with us now. But we need to keep our heads."

"He's here!" Pietro exclaimed suddenly and Steve heard feet shuffling from behind him. He didn't have the courage to look away from Tony yet. So he trusted the others to determine who the 'he' was. 

A tired but determined looking Bruce Banner walked into the dingy room and went straight to Tony. Steve could see the scratches and dirt on the doctor's back but Bruce didn't seem to care about it at this moment. Steve was sure nobody did.

"We need to get him out of here immediately," Bruce said with a forced calm, his white knuckles the only hint of his raging storm, "I need to work fast. Anyone who can't be here, get out and get the Quinjet."

Thor looked at Steve uncertainly for a second before making the decision for himself. He was of not much use here. His cape was the only thing he could provide to his Midgardian brother at the moment and that was already given. With a soft whoosh the Thunder God went out through the gaping window. 

"Barnes needs to leave," Bruce bit out, green partly tinging his arms but still under control "Pietro too."

Pietro shot one look to Tony and then Steve. He seemed to understand something because he wasn't there the next second. Bucky wasn't budging.

"No," he declared even before Sam could say something, "I can't."

"Bucky, brother you need to do this now," Sam pushed on, fervently looking at Bruce's hands working the wires and Steve's stone face, "You're can't help right now."

"No," this time was more a plea and Steve could feel his best friend looking at him. He knew why Bruce wanted Bucky out of here. If something went..if something went wrong, Bucky would have a relapse of his own torture memories. They didn't need a bloodbath here right now.

"C'mon James," Clint whispered, smartly using his first name to catch his attention, "He's gonna need all of us. We need to use our heads now. We need to get Tasha and bring Coulson here. Do this for us, man."

There was a moment of silence, a moment too precious to lose, but Bucky finally moved out with Clint. Not before dropping a word to Bruce though.

"You screw up and I'll kill you"

Bruce saw the ex-Winter Soldier force himself out of there and understood his fear. Bucky was one of the three Avengers with a personal taste of Hydra but the only one who had been forced to do it. Seeing another person, another friend go down the same path- Bruce breathed sharply and put his entire focus into his hands. If he screwed up, Bucky would never have to kill him. The guilt would do the job well enough.

Steve, Sam and Vision stood in horrifying silence as Bruce delicately pulled out one wire after another. Vision joined him when Bruce's hands faltered for a second, the sentient android's cool logic grounding the doctor. Sam didn't move an inch away from Steve, silently supporting his friend in what was the worst nightmare they were having.

And Steve? He was dying every second. Every second brought him flashes, imaginations of possible tortures Tony had gone through. He was growing detached from reality every time he saw Bruce pick out a tube from Tony's body. There were too many tubes and too less skin. Too many holes and not much blood coming out of them. 

When Bruce maneuvered out a tube from below Tony's cape, Steve was sure he heard his soul getting sucked out. 

And then finally, finally all the clamps, all the tubes were out and Bruce was calling for a stretcher. As if on cue, Natasha was walking in with a stretcher and Steve moved forward to lift Tony onto it. 

A horrible idea, as he heard a squelch when Tony's body left the chair. He didn't have to see it to know that it was blood and other body fluids. The smell was enough to make any normal person throw up but they were Avengers. They simply placed Tony on the stretcher and covered him with the cape properly. Steve could have easily carried him out alone, but was thankful that Sam took one end. It was a small gesture but it helped Steve kick in his Captain America determination forward. 

Once inside the Quinjet, the medics and Bruce took over again, silently pushing Steve to the side. He didn't go farther than three feet though and stood staring at the pale person on the stretcher bed.  _Tony_ , his brain supplied sympathetically, because this man was nothing like his Tony. This was a ghost.

Somewhere in his head, Steve could hear Natasha telling Bucky to breathe. Pietro and Wanda were huddled together, desperately trying to block out their own childhood with Hydra. Thor and Vision were flanking the Maximoff twins, silent guardians of strength. Clint was muttering something harsh to Coulson who was simply nodding. Sam was still beside Steve, always beside Steve.  _This was a ghost_ , Steve though to himself with a spark of determination,  _but it was their ghost to keep._

They had Tony back. That was all that mattered right? All's well that ends well, right?

Steve really did hate cliches. Because they were never true.

 


	2. Stuck In A Paradigm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The warnings given the previous chapter stay for the entire fic.

It was the creak of a door that shattered Steve's sleep. Between one instant and another he was up and shielding Tony's bed, his shield armed and ready. 

"I come bearing gifts?" Bruce raised his hands and smiled a little, gesturing to the coffee cups in both hands.

Steve relaxed a hair's breadth, blinking for a moment to convince himself that it was just Bruce.

"You forgot to knock the code" Steve pointed out in a voice that was hoarse from screaming. Bruce shrugged a little and looked pointedly at his coffees.

Steve sighed, letting the tension from his body seep out with the his breath. Just Bruce. A friend.

"Sorry" he mumbled to the doctor and sat back down, placing the shield between his legs.

"Coffee?" Bruce answered instead of dignifying the unwanted apology, placing a cup near Steve's chair "You look like you need sustenance."

Steve shrugged vaguely. "I'll live," he replied without emotion, "how're the others?"

Bruce sipped his own coffee, trying to form a normal sounding answer. He was probably the only one apart from Sam who was not foregoing food altogether. He wasn't stupid. He knew that he'd be more useful being lucid than stewing in terror.

"They're awaiting their turns," Bruce replied after swallowing his sip and shaking his head lightly, "They're nesting restlessly."

Steve stretched his arms over his head and cracked his neck to release the knots. "They should go home," he said as he returned to leaning forward, "they need some rest. I'll stay."

Bruce knew what he would get if he protested or argued that logic. It had been 48 hours since they finished the unending surgeries and stitches on Tony. Which had itself taken 10 hours in completion. Steve had become a hoarder in that time, refusing to budge from beside the hospital bed.

The other Avengers were getting crabby and snappy. They had fought for time with Tony, demanding that they be allowed to keep watch too.

Coulson had finally announced last night that there would be a shift system where every Avenger would get equal time.

Steve hadn't disagreed but he was sure not budging yet.

"They need him too, you know?" Bruce said quietly, moving to read the charts placed at the bed's foot, "None of them will sleep a wink till you let them in here. But they won't force you either. You need to stay healthy yourself too."

"Well, rah fucking bah," Steve grunted in reply, making Bruce wish that Tony hadn't gotten Cap to start swearing freely, "The serum's got to have some benefit. If I can't survive a few days of sitting, I'm not really a soldier, am I?"

"He won't go away this time Steve. He'll be here even after you take a shower, eat some food and rest your eyes." Bruce reminded softly, looking at the pale face lying unconscious on the bed.

"I need-Bruce, please," Steve breathed out a whispered plea and Bruce hated saying no to that. He knew how far Steve would be willing to punish himself just to stay next to his hurt partner. But Bruce had also seen the condition of the others. They were slowly inching towards madness, eyes hollow and faces lacking anything but terror, tension and trauma. They needed to reassure themselves. They needed to feel the presence of their lost family member, to know that they hadn't been torn apart yet.

For the first time ever, Bruce cursed Tony for having loved them the way he had. He had given them a home, his bots who were his definition of friends, a fierce independence from any manipulative and power hungry organization, but most of all he had given them their family. Inch by inch, stitch by painful stitch, he had woven a comforting blanket of family around the Avenger tag; the blanket filled with mosaics of unwavering loyalty, unflinching protection and unbound acceptance. Tony had become the unnamed and unannounced pack mom - the snarky, challenging yet dependable foundation.

"Natasha won't stop checking every person in the hospital," Bruce began suddenly, coming to stand on the other side of the bed and looking at Tony, "She turns the vending machine inside out every time something gets added, scanning for any loophole, any chance of an unauthorized weapon. Vision won't stop helping the visitors or other patients. I think he believes that every time they say 'God Bless You', it is being redirected to Tony."

Steve looked up and stared at Bruce, who was still studiously avoiding him.

"Thor keeps alternating between hours of staring at Mjolnir in silence or hovering around the building, scouting for unnatural things," Bruce continued, placing a hand on Tony's forehead and moving a stray lock of hair back into place, "Pietro is making the nurses dizzy with his pacing. Or annoying the doctors with questions he researched off WebMD. Wanda..Wanda hasn't spoken a word. She's built herself a tomb out of hovering magazines and spare blankets I think. Sam is shuttling around providing them all food and coffee all the time. I think he's providing food and coffee to the entire hospital actually. Barton hasn't killed Fury yet, but he hasn't come out of his vents as well. Coulson is wearing a creased shirt. I think that is an extremity by his standards."

Steve's lips quirked a little at that but he didn't speak anything.

"And Bucky" At the ex-sergeant's name Bruce frowned and shook his head bitterly "He's at his edges, Steve. There are scratches on his arm, newer ones, every time I see him. He's monopolized the men's loo of the floor and almost ripped a guy's head off when he tried to get him out. The only times I see him is when I make my hourly updates to everyone about Tony. He's- he's very close to relapsing."

Steve closed his head and laid his forehead on the bed, breathing harshly. He knew that he was being selfish. Tony might be his boyfriend but he was family to the others too. The bunch of misfits were already high-strung by the excruciating wait before they found Tony. And now, Steve had indirectly told them that they couldn't see him yet. 

It was like Steve had kidnapped Tony from them all over again. 

"Who's next?" Steve asked weakly, dreading leaving Tony here but understanding what Bruce meant.

The doctor gave him a small smile and looked at the door thoughtfully.

"I think we need to drag Bucky out first. What do you say?"

Steve returned Bruce's smile and nodded. Getting up, he felt the first screams of pain attack his back. He ignored them though and pushed open the door, getting outside the white room after god-knows how many hours. Right outside the door, he saw Wanda, staring straight at him from underneath her hovering tomb. It was her coping mechanism, Steve knew that. He offered her a small smile as an apology.

"Bucky?" he asked softly and Wanda's eyes relaxed. She nodded and gestured towards the men's loo.

When Steve first knocked the loo's door, he heard nothing. He knew how silent his best friend could get when he wanted. 

"Buck?" Steve called out softly, leaning close to the door and placing a hand on it, "Buck, it's alright. It's me, Steve."

No sound. Not a whisper or a breath.

Steve sighed and touched his forehead to the door. "Buck, I'm sorry," he said quietly, knowing that the other man's enhanced hearing would receive every word clearly, "I should-I'm sorry. I'm not taking him away from any of you. He's just-he's here Buck. I just needed-no, I'm sorry. I should have understood. Buck, please, I really need to-"

The door opened suddenly and Steve would have fallen in if not for his fast reflexes. He felt his insides cringe at the sight before him. Bucky's eyes were red around the edges, his hair mussed due to hard pulling, presumably fur to anxiety. Steve's eyes took in the dirty clothes and the crumpled jeans. His eyes did a double take when they reached Bucky's arm. Bruce was right, there were fresh scratches, like Bucky had been trying to pull the arm out. The arm that had once been a reminder of Hydra. The arm that had changed into a comfort when Tony had obsessively created a stunning, sensitive and tissue based prosthetic arm for Bucky. Steve still remembered the minute his best friend had felt skin instead of metal between his fingers. Tony hadn't allowed him to thank him, diverting the topic to stupid and silly pop-culture references instead.

"He needs you," Steve said softly, looking straight into the eyes of his withdrawn friend, "It's your turn to guard him."

At the word 'guard' Bucky's body straightened. Steve knew the effect such words had on soldiers and ex-military men. They were a few things that could make them pull themselves up and focus. Bucky stared a bit longer at Steve, trying to gauge if he was really letting him go to Tony. He knew that Steve had a higher right to him. Boyfriend outweighed friend, right?

But Steve was still standing, smiling understandingly. 

"Go Buck," he assured again, "Who knows, he might listen to your sarcasm and get up to argue?"

Bucky's face softened a bit at that and he nodded jerkily. He started to leave but paused and came back to hug Steve tightly.

"We'll get him back, Stevie," Bucky whispered hoarsely into his best friend's ear and Steve had to choke back a sob at that.

As he watched Bucky stride fast and purposefully towards Tony's room, Steve was thankful to every power of the universe that had brought them all together. 

Together they would bring Tony back to normalcy. Whatever that meant now.

\------------------------

It was during Pietro's watch that it happened. In one way, they should probably be thankful for that because he was the fastest person to get a doctor.

"Hold him, don't move back!" the doctor ordered the nurses as he tried to get the flailing Tony under control. "For God's sake, somebody get the meds in fast!" Tony was kicking violently, his feet finding the shin, stomach, rib and hip of four different people.

Bruce rushed into the room and grabbed Tony's flailing arms, glaring at the other doctor who was concentrating more on his own bleeding nose instead of Tony's IV.

"Nat," Bruce called out and Natasha came in, understanding the command in one word. She dragged the incompetent doctor out and helped Bruce get Tony back unconscious. Bucky and Clint were having a hard time restraining Steve and Thor was shielding Wanda and Pietro from the commotion. They were the youngest of the lot and were easily affected when an Avenger suffered. 

Finally, when Bruce had gotten everything under control he cursed under his breath and looked at Natasha. The others hadn't heard it because they were outside, but in the midst of the unconscious terror attack, they had heard Tony whisper one phrase. And that was scaring the shit out of them.

_Kill him_

"Things are worse than they look, aren't they?" Natasha asked Bruce quietly as they looked at Tony.

Bruce didn't answer but his silence was enough for Natasha to understand. 


	3. Ghosted Betrayals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony wakes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...erm..haha *fidgets nervously*  
> This is the kickstart of the actual story in a way. Things are not going to be pretty. I cannot emphasise this enough but still I repeat: Remember the trigger warnings and the explicit rating. Also, I am truly, terribly sorry for what is about to happen.

The moment between sleep and waking is the most crucial of a day. It determines how the rest of your 23 hours and 59 minutes will pass, because this moment, this singularly significant period, is when you decide who you will be.

 

Tony decided that he was a hostage.

 

His training had taught him to switch modes over the past ...time, Tony thought sufficiently knowing that keeping track of training time was slacking and an excuse for being weak. One moment he was hibernating and the next moment his eyes were open, restless and sharp. Observe, register, compartmentalize. He kept him mouth shut and ears open. Sound was the most revealing form of truth. It could tell you everything about a situation.

 

Like right now, in the stark white room with machines hooked to him. He knew each machine, had seen them, had designed them, had taken them apart so many times. He knows which one is set to monitor which part of him, which gets his heart - a vestigial part of a solider- and which monitors his brain, the most important part of him. He takes in the mild beeping and the clean smell of the room. Like purity, he thought with a detached amusement.

 

Then his eyes fell on the warm body sitting on his left and he paused. The head was down, resting against his bed, blonde hair peeking out against white sheet like it was the sun's rays on a white canvas. The olive green sweatshirt pulled taut at the humongous shoulders and Tony momentarily calculated the amount of muscle required to make biceps that huge. He carefully shifted through his memory to find a name that would fit this person and was almost near it when the body shifted and the head rolled back with a small noise.

 

And then Tony met piercing blue eyes that reminded him of some cloud that was about to burst. Well, apparently this one burst too.

 

"Tony..." Steve breathed out, like he was testing the name and Tony felt the dust in his brain settle finally, things clicking back into place.

 

"No." He couldn't control the harshness of his sound but he could definitely edge back sharply, trying to put as much distance as possible between himself and the man beside him "Don't come near me. Don't!"

 

Steve froze. He had expected fear, confusion and even an extent of panic when Tony woke up. He had prepared himself for it, gone through hours of practice in his head. He was a soldier himself and had dealt with PTSD before. He had dealt with Bucky, for crying out loud, and he had been prepared for a variety of emotions.

 

None of them was hatred.

 

Steve knew hatred. He knew the taste of vitriolic embers burning in your throat, the sight of repulsion so strong that the color of your eyes turned saturated. He had seen it in the eyes of his enemies, a million times enough to identify the look. To see it in Tony's eyes, to see them mar his usually dancing brown, was suffocating.

 

"Tony, it's alright, you're fine, you're safe," Steve didn't know if he was convincing the man edging away from him or himself, "It's fine, I'm not going to move, I'll just stay here. It's alright, Tony."

 

The man on the bed didn't believe him clearly. He tried to get off and pushed down a tray of medicines near the bed, the clatter only jarring his frayed nerves more.

 

"No, no, no no no," Tony whispered harshly, the dryness of his throat obviously hurting him but he wasn't relaxing one damn inching, "Go away, get out, go, please, go!"

 

"Steve, what's the whole...Tony?" Bruce had barged into the room, obviously hearing the commotion and was now staring at Tony before assessing the picture the scene depicted. Tony clearly looking crazed and calculating the fastest escape from the room. Steve frozen in his spot, clearly keeping himself still in an attempt to not provoke Tony.

 

Bruce Banner had been told once by a fellow doctor in India that the secret to calm did not lie in trying to attain it or stop panic. It wasn't a tranquilizer that shot down fear or anger. It was a slow rubdown, a gradual easing of pressure. It was how Natasha's Lullaby worked with Bruce. The option of coming back, of calming down, always helped the entire process.

 

The doctor noticed that Tony had now shifted his attention to Bruce and let his face relax. He didn't smile too wide or act out of the ordinary. He simply let Tony look at him, let the man decide , though he did mentally thank the stars for not wearing his white coat right now. He knew that Steve had sensed him too, though the soldier hadn't turned to look once.

 

"Br-Bruce?" the voice was so small, so feeble that Bruce had to make sure that he didn't make any big gestures, in case Tony went back into the hole he was clearly struggling in.

 

"Yeah, Tony," he replied in a soft and calm voice, "Bruce. Your friend. You know me, right?"

 

"You're here" Tony whispered in awe and Bruce saw Steve stiffen further, imperceptibly, confirming the doctor's doubt that Tony wasn't aware of himself.

 

"I'm here," Bruce nodded slowly, letting his lips smile an inch wider. Open, he had to remain open.

 

"You're back," Tony's hopeful smile looked so much like a child that Bruce wanted to find every single Hydra agent ever and rip their lungs out. He didn't let his anger show though and simply nodded, not sure what Tony meant but deciding to go ahead with it.

 

"Yes, Tony, I'm back," Bruce replied and saw as Tony shuddered, the craze leaving him in a rush. Apparently, the rush wasn't good for the man's weakness, because he was collapsing before either Bruce or Steve could get to him.

 

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Bruce could hear warning bells when Steve got up and Tony's fading eyes widened.

 

"Stay back" the doctor growled, not caring that he was letting Hulk's tone bleed in, "Stay back now."

 

It was clearly the right thing to do, and Bruce was going to thank the Other Guy for his instincts later, because Tony's face slacked calmly after that.

 

"Told Tasha...need Hulk" the barely conscious genius slurred as he rapidly lost consciousness, "thank you.."

 

"I'll always be here, Tony" Bruce whispered as he saw Tony finally get knocked out, "Always"

 

When Bruce looked up, he saw Steve staring horrified at both of them, his blue eyes burning with fear. Bruce knew that his own brown eyes weren't anyway calmer.

 

Whatever had happened to Tony in the past four months, it had clearly something to do with the Avengers. And Bruce needed to know which ones Tony didn't see as a threat.

 

It wasn't something anybody could look forward to.

 

\-----------------

 

"What do you mean he told me?" Natasha asked quietly when Bruce had finished relating the incident. Steve had filled in bits and pieces, adding his own discoveries in between Bruce's narration. The rest of the Avengers are on three different levels of mindfucked : surface level, it's Steve he's scared of wtf! level and I'm going to track down Hydra ants and squish them under my boots now level.

 

Natasha is on the first level. She has always been on the first level. It was how she managed to survive through all the scenarios her life had thrown at her. It didn't matter that maintaining this level usually made her look cold and dispassionate. She was evolved enough to know that she didn't have to correct anybody's perception about her.

 

"His words," Bruce repeated, calmly rubbing his temple to ease out the tension, “He was losing consciousness when he said it so nothing was clearer. All we know is that he doesn’t consider Steve a friendly.”

“Well that helps a lot,” Clint said sarcastically, running a hand over the arrow he was fiddling with, looking at Natasha from the floor, “FUBAR’s down, and us mere peasants are next in line. Perfecto.”

“How’s he doing now?” Sam asked, clearly ignoring Clint’s nervous tick and regarding Bruce calmly, “Is he up or still sedated?”

Bruce chanced a look at Steve who was sitting on a metal chair near Vision, staring blankly at Natasha’s feet. The supersoldier had been silent ever since the emergency meeting was called for and Bruce didn’t want to rattle him anymore but wished that he reacted more than just the blank stare.

“He’s still down but he’ll be coming back to consciousness anytime soon,” Bruce replied firmly, looking at Natasha with a questioning glance, “So we need to figure out the next step right now.”

Natasha shared a look with Wanda, the younger girl sitting beside Clint on the floor, communicating silently about the pros and cons of something they could try. Wanda’s eyes widened briefly but then she gave an infinitesimal negative shake of her head and Natasha sighed but steeled herself.

“We’re gonna have to find out the old-fashioned way,” she declared softly, looking at Steve who had finally looked up at her face, “Steve, we’ll need you to stay out of this till we figure out the whole thing. You, me and Bruce are the only confirmed variables of the situation as of now and you’re not a positive point. This will have to be done by me and Bruce for now.”

“Sam could help too though,” Pietro spoke up and looked at the counsellor expectantly, “He’s calmer than you two and he’s had experience with trauma, right?”

“Everybody else is a risk,” Steve spoke up finally and everyone turned to look at him. The Captain met all eyes with a firm gaze, finally landing his eyes on Bruce. “We’re flying blind here but we know for sure that whatever is the problem, it’s related to all of us. He doesn’t trust us, not everybody. There’s a reason for it, I know there has to be, but we can’t find it out without giving him a chance with people he seems to trust. We have to stick with the safe choice. Natasha is right, it’s gotta be only them.”

Natasha nodded her agreement to it but her eyes softened for a minute in empathy for Steve’s turmoil. Bruce nodded too and got up to go check with the other doctors about Tony’s state.

“Well, I’ll get back to being a nuisance then,” Clint huffed but stayed put on the floor, for the first time not getting reprimanded by anyone. Vision simply placed a hand over Steve’s clenched hand and stared at Wanda who was watching Pietro, wondering how things had gone from good to the worst.

\---------------

Natasha felt her head reeling with the information she was hearing, seeing Tony’s lips move even now but the words drowning into white noise. Of all the things she had been prepared for, of all the things she had imagined and erased before this conversation, none of them had made her want to throw up any more.

She could see Bruce’s eyes fight the green tinge, his skin threatening to ripple into the monster she knew he wanted to unleash at the moment. Tony was facing him, talking animatedly but his eyes shielded, slightly hunched into himself even under the hospital gown and all the sensors attached to him. His hands were flying around, gesticulating wildly, but not leaving his personal bubble, not reaching out to touch or poke like he usually did. His voice was the same rumble of energy but instead of the multiple channels she heard before, now it was all chaos. He was a mess, a complete ball of tangled yarn. His eyes were shifty, smirk cold and words empty – half-spoken, like saying it completely would break the reality.

Even in those half-spoken sentences, Natasha could feel her dread grow by the minute. Nothing made sense, nothing Tony was saying made any sense but it also clearly suggested at something horrifying.

“-and it was the worst thing I’ve ever tasted but clearly Tasha doesn’t think so,” Tony said and the Russian blinked, coming back to the present, “or I’m just boring you into a daze again.”

“Not boring, just tiring,” Natasha said, putting on her mask of indifference and casualness that seemed to make Tony at ease for some unknown reason, “Not all of us have super-brains that can process gibberish running mile a minute, you know? Why don’t you take a break, catch some rest and we’ll continue this tea party later, huh?”

“Why, Ms. Romanoff, by the disdain for my captivating tales of woe, you almost seem unhappy with my return,” Tony gasped mockingly but Natasha’s trained eye could catch the slight apprehension behind it.

She softened her eyes and smirked a bit, picking up the glass of water with the straw and placing it in Tony’s hand.

“Every vacation comes to an end,” she tutted deadpanned and Tony grinned manically, “Catch some rest, Tony. You’ll need it before we unleash Pepper and Rhodes on you.”

Watching Tony’s face light up at the mention of his best friends, Bruce felt the anger ease up a bit in his heart. He caught Natasha’s look and forced a smile onto his own face.

“I’ll up your happy drugs if you get some shut-eye,” he tempted Tony and the genius huffed at him but gave in eventually. Bruce watched Natasha quietly leave as Tony closed his eyes but stayed himself till he was satisfied with the even breathing of the sleeping man.

When Bruce finally left the room, he saw Natasha talking in a low voice to Steve and Sam, the latter silently standing close to the ashen faced Captain. At one point, he saw Steve raise his hand in a silent gesture to stop Natasha and stormed away. To anyone else, it would have looked like an angry storm-out. To Bruce, who knew where the men’s loo was, it was the sign of an impending breakdown and throw-up.

“Civil War?” he heard Sam whisper in shock as he neared them, “Civil War between us? Steve fighting Tony? Us getting split into enemy teams? What the hell, Nat!”

“Sam…” Natasha warned softly but the Falcon shook his head vehemently in denial, looking at Bruce now.

“Bruce, what the hell is this?” he asked furiously, “He thinks there was a **war**? That Steve held him hostage? What the fuck did they do to him?!”

“They broke him,” Bruce said quietly and looked in the direction that Steve had walked off to, “They broke him using us. We don’t know how they did it or why, but we can see that Tony is imagining a reality where there are no more Avengers and you guys, you, Steve, Bucky, Wanda and Clint, you guys fought against him and some others. He thinks that you were the ones who captured him during the war. Whatever they did Sam, they did it so well that he won’t even take Steve’s name.”

“But he’s Steve, Bruce!” Sam argued, grasping for any tendrils of hope, “They’re practically married and -”

“He’s Tony’s abuser, Wilson,” Natasha cut in brutally and Sam snapped his mouth shut with a glare that went unaffected on her, “Right now, in Tony’s mind, Steve is his abuser. He didn’t go into much detail, hell, not enough to know anything much, but it is clear to see. You know his injuries, you’re smart enough to form a gist. Tell me, how the hell do you expect him to face Rogers and see anything other than whatever his mind-reality has seen?”

Sam stared at Natasha silently but the Russian didn’t back down. Finally, he sighed and rubbed his face with a weary hand.

“This is a nightmare,” he breathed shakily and Bruce closed his eyes to breathe in.

“I don’t know if it’s gonna disappear when we wake up though,” Bruce replied tightly and Natasha nodded as she spotted the looming figure of Bucky around the corner of the wall, knowing that he had heard every word.

Both assassins shared a silent glance before Bucky stalked away in Steve’s direction, leaving Natasha with Sam and Bruce, wondering what they would be when this nightmare ended.

She doubted ‘family’ would ever be it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was it? Yes, Civil War is an alternate reality concocted by Hydra in Tony's brain. I know, farfetched. But we are talking about a fiction world, so hey, creative liberties! Please, please, do tell me your feedback? <3


	4. Clean Slate Soul

Tony let his eyes rove over his feet first. He always had a special corner for well-maintained feet and hands. Pedicures and manicures had become a staple after the first time he had done them with Pepper, years ago, in a French salon. He had delicate feet, Pepper had told him casually, even possibly envious, as she herself had long and bony feet. Tony had joked around that he had them bound during childhood to make them look small before going on to explicitly flaunt his not-so-small hands, talking about sizes and myths. 

He looked at the crushed little toe on his left foot and the discolored nails on his right foot from the fungal infection. He had laughed when he had read up that his toenails might be dying. That was a riot, he thought gleefully, at least the part of him that was dying was 'vestigial'. His eyes moved up his ankles, over his calves, onto his knees, and weren't they a sight to behold. Right having a bruise the shape of Africa that looked eerier as it healed. He thought clinically about any future of wearing shorts and shrugged detachedly before moving on higher. His eyes observed the thighs with patched up carvings that looked like a shabbily done mosaic pattern before they landed on his underwear. 

He was tempted for a second, just a second, to pull that down too and have a look. It quickly dissipated when his heart started pumping faster and he forced his eyes to skip that part to move higher.

Flat stomach, more thanks to malnutrition than exercise, inched into a peach of a bruise mark on his left pectoral. Collarbone looking like a bent coat-hangar, needle-marks fading on his right shoulder, muscles indecisive between hanging down and sticking to his bones on his arms and brittle wrists curving into hands that had once been named magic. They shook, Tony knew that they shook more often now than after Afghanistan. 

Everything was worse now than Afghanistan. The desert was a picnic compared to the dungeon. 

Forcing his eyes up, Tony continued his perusal of himself. His neck had fading puncture marks on the side, his jaw was liberally coated with hair, no longer in his signature goatee. His cheek looked hollowed and cheekbone pronounced, forehead seeming wider in its lacking palor. But it was his eyes that Tony didn't recognize anymore.

They were brown, he noted with a sense of strangeness. Usually, he would see honey, cognac, mud, chocolate, sometimes even blazing wood in his irises. Now they just looked brown. Like they didn't have a life of their own, a personality of their own.

Tony wondered how long his mouth could conceal this fact from the world. How long his torrent of words could silence the vacuum in his glance. 

He was distracted from his thoughts when he heard Friday inform him about Pepper and Rhodey coming into the penthouse.  _Friends_ , his weak brain reminded him as he squashed any panic stirring up in his heart. They were his friends. People who cared about him.

 _So were the others_ , his heart chimed in viciously and Tony had to resist biting his cheek, knowing that it was already tender from all the previous biting he had done. One week of biting.

He dragged his feet to the bed and put on the full-sleeve DJ Lee T-shirt and slipped into a pair of soft sweatpants. He didn't wear a pair of sunglasses on pure impulse because he knew that it would only serve to have Pepper pluck them off with a frown. He was sorely tempted though, to hide behind oversized obnoxious orange glasses, to show the world that he was still Tony Stark.

But this wasn't the world. This was Pepper and Rhodey.  _His_ Pepper and Rhodey. And he wasn't sure he was Tony Stark anymore. Not the one he knew to be anyway. 

"Tony?" Rhodey's voice came from the foyer and Tony was thankful for that. He wanted to be aware of a presence before he saw it now, not that Friday hadn't done the same. But hearing a voice and reaffirming it felt better. "Tony? You up there?" Rhodey asked again and Tony was even more relieved because this was Rhodey giving him a choice - to meet or not to meet.

He took a breath and walked out the door of his bedroom, putting extra effort into his gait. He strolled down the stairs and slapped on a grin when Rhodey and Pepper came into his view.

"Hey there Honey-bear," he drawled and looked at Pepper who looked like she had just stepped out of office, "Oh no, Pep, did he pull you out of your lair? Did you drag my CEO from her den, Rhodey? Now, she's gonna be cranky and work-sick."

"I think you're describing yourself and your workshop," Pepper quipped, quick as ever with a soft smile hiding her nerves as she took in Tony's appearance, "and I'm never cranky, Tony. It's called professionalism."

"It's called being boring," Tony shot back with a cheeky grin and Rhodey shook his head with a fond sigh, "Hey, did you bring me pizza? Is that what you're holding? Aww, platypus, you DO love me!"

"No, I love quiet and peace. Which is what I get when I bribe you with pizza," Rhodey replied even as he placed the large box on the table nearby and waited, patiently giving Tony time to decide if he wanted to come close, "It's large and has extra cheese. You gonna share?"

Tony took a quick look at the box, Pepper and then Rhodey, considering his choices before he relaxed and walked towards his best friend.

"Not a chance," he commented but snagged the box off the table, not minding as he nudged Rhodey's leg with his hand. Rhodey sighed dramatically like he was an all-suffering tragedy king but lightly touched Tony's shoulder before steering him to the couch and plopping beside him, no qualms about sitting close to the guy. Pepper quirked her eyebrow at the frat friends but rolled her eyes fondly when Rhodey plucked a slice off Tony's box despite his protests and snorted at the blown raspberry he got in return. She walked over to the chair next to the couch and sat on it gracefully, toeing off her heels and stretching her legs.

"How's the Board?" Tony asked as he slowly chewed on his fourth bite, taking extra care to not eat too much. Rhodey observed that and restrained himself from sharing a look with Pepper. Tony never ate slowly and definitely wasn't satisfied with a single slice, but since The Disappearance he seemed to have a real fear of eating food that required cutlery, straws or plates. Basically anything that wasn't burgers or pizza in Tony speak. Bruce had hinted that maybe these were related to some part of his trauma and Rhodey agreed, imagining scenarios and reasons, because Tony wouldn't open his mouth about anything voluntarily. The utter panic he got into when a simple psych eval was suggested had sealed that door for them. 

He had been ready to attack the doctor with a pen. Rhodey still remembered the muffled whimper like it was a blood-curling scream. 

"The Board is being a pain in my ass. Like always," Pepper replied with a lazy wave of her hand, belying the tension coiling in her at the clear nervousness in Tony's hands as he debated on completing the single slice or dropping it back into the box, "How're the bots?"

Tony seemed to lose a bit of his tension at his favorite topic and tentatively bit into a small piece of pizza.

"Disastrous," he said cheerily and Rhodey snorted, getting a small genuine grin from Tony, "I'm going to donate Butterfingers to the Girl Scouts."

"What will the - you know what, not asking," Pepper shook her head fondly but Tony whispered loudly to Rhodey nonetheless, "Imagine Butterfingers in a Girl Scout uniform!"

They got into a squabble over who was sexier, Butterfingers or You, and Pepper watched as her favourite boys tried to reclaim a bit of normalcy, falling back on their double decade long friendship security in the face of awkwardness. She could see Tony's small smiles appear for seconds whenever Rhodey made some sassy retort, trusting him to talk back, to be his Rhodey. 

Pepper had been allowed to meet Tony only after a horrifying talk with Natasha and the team. She had never thought that she would ever condone violence but when the words kept pouring and a brief extent of Tony's trauma was judged, she wished she hadn't refused a suit when Tony had offered before. She wanted blast the assholes who had dared lay a finger on the man she had sought to protect for more than a decade of her life. After Afghanistan, Pepper had realized that simply shielding Tony's company from falling would not do, but she had been decently assuaged when she had seen him grow stronger as Iron Man. Then she had felt a tad better when Rhodey had gotten his own suit. But she had been most relieved when she had seen the bunch of dysfunctional but overprotective Avengers make the Tower their home. Tony had finally learnt how to accept that he deserved a family. Pepper had felt proud and even more so when she had seen Steve and Tony grow. 

Then it had all come crashing down one day, when she had gotten a call en route to Japan, that Tony had disappeared. In the four months that followed she had felt herself return to the dark fear she had harbored the day Tony had announced himself to be Iron Man. It had come crashing into her that she couldn't protect Tony always and apparently, neither could the Avengers. Looking at Rhodey now, keeping up a firm volley of wit and tech discussion with Tony, distracting him from becoming uncomfortable, Pepper knew that if it had hurt her and the Avengers hard, it had virtually destroyed James Rhodes, the man who had made it his mission to protect Tony Stark when they had been teenagers.

Rhodey saw the tremor, of course he saw the tremor. He saw Tony place the pizza slice back into the box but didn't spare a moment to comment on it. He couldn't acknowledge the problem, not when he felt an odd relief in his chest that Tony wasn't running away yet. That would come, he  _knew_ that part would come, when Tony would run back into his corner, to lick his wounds. If this were a year back, Rhodey would have gone with him or at the very least have convinced him to stay with him. Now, after getting a clue of what his best friend had gone through, Rhodey didn't know how he could do that anymore. Tony would panic over the smallest things, over the most innocent gestures and the most common words. They hadn't found out all his tells and they couldn't get it all out in a rush too. So Rhodey had to stay calm, had to pretend that it was normal for Tony to sit away from him, when Tony would  _never_ voluntarily shy away from intruding Rhodey's space. He had to keep calm when he noticed the way Tony kept running a hand over his sleeves, making sure they covered his arms. He had to keep calm over the half eaten pizza. He had to keep calm over the banishment of the Avengers from their home, because some piece of scum had made Tony believe that there had been a frickin war between them. He had to keep calm over his best friend looking like death warmed over.

He wanted to take the suit and hunt down every Hydra and AIM rat he could find. He definitely empathized with Barnes when he heard that the ex-Winter Soldier had almost wrecked SHIELD when they had told the Avengers to stand down from any reckless action. He wanted to be reckless. 

But he couldn't. Not when Tony was still near him, alive and half-trusting, looking at him with that fake-confidence that he had seen from MIT. Rhodey had to stay down and stay here, to make sure that Tony stayed alive, in mind and body. 

They had concocted a quick story about how Natasha had handled the Accords, which was partly true because Natasha  _had_ been one of the important people  to handle it when the issue had come up first, before it had been viciously rejected by the team in favor of a more flexible and justified charter. Tony was not given any detail and surprisingly, he hadn't fought much on it either. He had been placed in a media blackout, making sure that he was not watching the news, which again he had seemed  _relieved_ to agree to. Pepper had almost had a fit at the shock.

They sat and chatted for some time, Pepper and Tony bickering over the IT department at SI and their competence, Rhodey and Pepper discussing Tony's worst sun glass colors and, Rhodey and Tony talking about random topics that neither ended nor began. It felt simple, it felt calm. Until Tony started to fidget, looking at his hands and rambling about a new project he wanted to start. All three of them knew that Tony wasn't in a condition to work on any machinery, not yet, but neither Rhodey nor Pepper pointed it out when Tony stood on restless legs.

When Tony fled out of the room, albeit in his cocky way that tied to make them believe that he was genuinely busy, Rhodey turned to Pepper and found the same emotion reflect in her eyes.

"We've got to do something," Pepper said firmly and Rhodey nodded shortly.

"He needs help," he replied, looking at the elevator where Tony had disappeared into, "and so will the others."

\---------------------

  _A shell. A shell with a name on it, just three feet away. Small hands, no larger than her own, trying to cover her; shield her from watching it any longer. Her throat was parched. Her eyes were burning from keeping them open and awake under debris that could crush her skull if she moved any more. So she didn't and neither did he. They lay there, waiting, watching a shell determine how longer they were going to live._

_*_____*_

_Pain. Unadulterated pain ripping through her bones. She could hear her own screams but all she could see was red. Red light, burning like a dying star and breathing through her blood. Beautiful red, the colour of birth, the shade of the danger she wanted to become. So she screamed, and let the pain consume her, let it seep into her body as the gem bled its power into her mind. Somewhere, somewhere down the base, she felt him scream too. Her brother. Her Pietro._

_*_____*_

_His eyes, that's what she saw first. Brown, curious, intelligent eyes. Eyes that must have built and created thoughts, ideas for the world to see. To marvel. A genius' eyes. The eyes of a merchant who could create life and death. Tony Stark and his brown eyes. Her red sparked and surged through her fingers. She decided she wanted erase brown with red. But she didn't expect the blue to stop her. A shield that flew though her red._

_*_____*_

_"You killed my parents!"_

_"I didn't" a pause as he ignored the red tips of her fingers but looked at her with something she hadn't seen in long. Something she shouldn't see in his eyes. Pain. "I didn't...but I did nothing to stop somebody from killing them either."_

_"Get out"_

_*_____*_

_She watches as he studiously, doggedly continues to speak to her. He doesn't look at her always, but his words are there, reaching, asking, sharing. Sarcasm and arrogance is his trademark. She wants to burst his head into pieces. She doesn't but she doesn't look at him too. She watches him throw his words at her though. Trying, trying, trying._

_*_____*_

_"He got us out of the WSC's hold."_

_"I don't trust him, Wanda."_

_"I know, Neither do I."_

_A pause as her brother looks out the window at the sky that is the color of his hair today._

_"But he got us out of trouble"_

_"...I know"_

_*_____*_

_Pietro is talking to him. Well, at him, she rectifies as she watches her brother snark at him in front of the ridiculously decorated tree. She watches Stark snark back, albeit with a small smirk he thinks he is hiding from people. She can see though. One look at the blue eyed man standing across the hall, talking to the God, and she knows that he sees it too. She hates Stark a little less when Pietro smirks back at him._

_*_____*_

_"Thank you"_

_He looks up. Sta-no, **Tony** , she thinks as she sees him blink up at her from the couch._

_"For what?" he looks genuinely confused and she tenses before she remembers her brother peacefully sleeping next door. Because of an armor that saved him from bullets._

_"For saving my brother" she admits and expects a smug remark, steeling herself for it. It doesn't come. Nothing comes. Tony simply nods and gets back to stitching up his wound._

_She looks into the hate in her heart and doesn't seem to find much._

_*_____*_

_"Tony no!"_

_She hears it first. It's nothing big, she simply hears it first and she can stop it faster. So she does. She sends a beam of her energy and stops the missile from hitting him. He handles it after a second of shock and she turns back to the battle at hand._

_She doesn't mind returning the small smile when he thanks her in his roundabout way after debrief._

_*_____*_

_She laughs out when Pietro chases Iron Man around the Tower in a game of 'Super Tag'. Tony loses. Pietro looks smug when he pointedly pats Iron man's cheek and says "You're it, Tin Man"_

_She realizes that she has a family that day._

_*_____*_

_The mock prom at the Tower, meant for her, Pietro, Vision and apparently Clint Barton who liked to think he was still in High School, was the day she kissed him on the cheek when he proudly and smugly announced that she was his date. He hid his surprise, blush and tears of joy but she saw them and she let him lead the dance for it. If Steve Rogers smiled at her in a 'thank you' gesture as he danced with Pepper Potts, then she didn't feel it wrong to think that it was only normal._

_He may be a foolish man sometimes, but Tony Stark had become a part of her family. She liked that. So she danced and twirled in her peach dress, narrowing her eyes mockingly when Tony loudly asked Vision to take over before winking obnoxiously at her._

_Yes, she liked him alright._

_*_____*_

_He had nightmares. She had them too. She didn't realize they had more in common than she wished true._

_There were always blankets on her when she fell asleep on the couch. There were always hot chocolate mugs in the kitchen when he stumbled up after a rough night._

_He liked her too. It was okay._

_*_____*_

_Somebody had taken him. Somebody had taken a part of her family again. Wanda felt like ripping through the world, trying to seek out the one who had struck her. She couldn't. She didn't. She let her power burn the abandoned car with his blood though._

_*_____*_

_He was back. He was screaming. She was there, trying to stop the screams, but he didn't listen. He kept screaming, in his head. The hospital room was silent but his head was not._

_Pietro found her 30 minutes later sobbing into her arms, begging someone to stop the screams._

"No!" 

She woke up with a start and saw the vase burst as her control left her for a second. She was sweating, the stickiness seeping into the sheets below her. Her heart was trying to get out of her chest and her hands were shaking. 

A nightmare. A nightmare, that was all it was, she tried to convince her mind. Just a nightmare, not real. They were safe. She was safe. Pietro was safe. 

Tony was safe.

"Dammit" Wanda whispered to herself in a shaky voice and ran a trembling hand through her hair. She blinked up at the room and recognized it as the one in the Compound instead of the Tower. This was the Avengers Facility. A safe, official, state-of-the-art place for the Avengers to stay and train. It was the best place for the Earth's Mighties Heroes.

Wanda hated it. She knew for a fact that so did the others. It wasn't home. It wasn't  _their_ home. It wasn't where they should be. But they had to. They had to stay here because they couldn't stay in the Tower anymore.

They couldn't go back home anymore. Wanda felt a headache come on. They couldn't risk it, she knew it rationally, but she hated this place with his cold atmosphere and professionalism. Everybody was here, her family was here, but it wasn't home.

Well, most of her family. Tony wasn't here.

He was also the reason that they couldn't go back to the Tower.

"Junebug" she called out to the AI installed in the Facility, "can you put something on the TV?"

"Sure, Ms Maximoff," the female voice came through and the TV screen flickered on, "what would you like to watch?"

Wanda paused and thought about it.

"The prom video please," she asked quietly and saw as the screen changed before the Tower flashed and she saw herself dressed in a peach dress, glaring at Pietro when he tried to point out that he hadn't meant to step on her dress. Everybody was there, talking among themselves, dancing, laughing, playing the fool. She watched as Tony egged her on to blast Pietro into the ceiling and promptly shut up when she glared at him too, only to squeak when Steve came up from behind and seemed to grab some part of his behind.

The sounds of the past hurt, but they reminded Wanda that all wasn't lost yet. She leaned back into her bed and watched her family at a time when things were fine and nobody was screaming.

\------------

Thor was good at patience, no matter how much people mistrusted that idea. He hadn't been good at it before, but life and his follies had taught him much about it. He had learnt it, slowly, painfully, and so it stuck by him even in the worst times.

Which was why he waited till Phil Coulson had finished checking the last document before he could ask why he was called. He had a good idea about it though.

"Sorry," Phil said as he closed the last page on his tablet and looked up at Thor, smiling a little, "Things are a little busy here nowadays."

"I understand," Thor nodded, "it is natural that a place as yours would have a lot to protect and prevent."

Phil smiled and shrugged but leaned back in his chair and regarded Thor.

"Thor, you know why you're here, right?"

Thor debated between admitting his hunch and denying it blatantly. Admitting would involve him into any scheme of theirs deeper than he would like sometimes. Denying would drag the matter more than necessary.

"It is something to do regarding Tony, is it not?" he asked finally and Phil gave a small nod in return before standing up to walk around the table.

"We've done some tests on him," Phil started and raised a defensive hand when Thor frowned at the word tests, imagining anything non-consensual, "everything with his consent. Basic stuff. Routine check-up, if you will."

"And you have found something grievous?"

"No, not really," Phil shook his head but looked pained, "well, not more than we expected at least. There are injurious that we have discovered and some..we suspect but cannot determine solidly."

Thor thought about the words and nodded finally. He had seen torture in his days and land. He had a brief knowledge of what Coulson was hinting at. It wasn't something he should discuss about though, it wasn't his place to do so.

"Do you believe I can help?"

Phil smiled thinly and seemed to search for the right words before he let out a breath.

"In the matters of his injuries? I don't know. In other matters? I think yes."

Thor paused before agreeing to whatever Phil had meant. He cared for Tony as he would care for his family. He would do anything in his power to help him out. But SHIELD and its people had a tendency to ask for things that could later lead to some mistake costing more than necessary. Thor remembered Nick Fury. He would have to tread carefully here.

"Tell me what you think" he said firmly, knowing that he could intimidate people when he wanted to. Phil Coulson didn't look intimidated but he did comply nonetheless.

It took them an hour to discuss the possibilities. Thor disagreed with some points and Phil outright rejected some others. Thor wished Steve had come along but then remembered that the good Captain was involved in a mission he had been forced into with Bucky, Sam and Clint. It had been an AIM cell. They couldn't ignore it. Though Thor had seen Steve's eyes spit fire when Fury had spelled out the order, almost close to decking the ex-Director for playing them when Steve wanted to stay close to his family.

Thor knew how little Steven Rogers had relaxed and calmed down since the day they had shifted from the Tower to the Compound. Sleep was almost non-existent if you discounted the times Natasha would knock him out or Bruce would growl him into listening. It was inadequate even by Thor's standards but Thor knew why Steve did that. He knew how torturous it was for the man to stay away from the man he loved at a time when he wanted to do nothing more than just hold him safe. 

Thor had heard Steve punch innumerable bags in the gym every night and then had one day heard him shout Tony's name, when he had mistakenly dozed off in the living room.

"I will do my best," he promised Coulson when he offered him his answer, remembering the breaking team back home. Coulson, who seemed to be thinking about the same thing, nodded grimly and went back to his seat.

As Phil Coulson saw Thor Odinson leave his office, he only hoped that this plan would work. He didn't call many people his friends but not many people were the Avengers, his ex-charges. And not many people were Tony Stark either.

Phil was protective of his own. He also knew that the Avengers would tear the world down if things didn't get back to normalcy soon.

 


	5. Red And White Stains

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings apply.

_"We should get you a girlfriend," Tony commented lazily, comfortably nestled against Steve's chest, "Or a boyfriend. Or anybody, in general. I'm not picky."_

_"Thanks, **mom** ," Bucky yawned and lightly kicked Clint's head a bit lower from his thigh where the archer had dozed off mid-movie, "Really assuring to know that you don't mind if I pick any nameless hobo from the street and start a relationship with them."_

_"Oh, **I** don't mind," Tony waved a tired hand vaguely towards Steve's face, "It's this lump of fluff that'll get to your throat if you do that. Also, don't change the subject. If I have to see one more person ask me if you're single, I swear I'll start yanking people's hair out. They're not even subtle. Do you know how creepy it is when SHIELD puppies jump out of nowhere and ask you if your boyfriend's best friend is available?"_

_"Oh, so he's just **my** best friend, is it?" Steve teased without opening his eyes and rubbed his nose into Tony's hair with a snort, "Nice, Tony, real nice. I'm sure you broke Bucky's heart with that."_

_"Nah, all my minions know that we can't be best friends. Genius-assistants agreement," Tony shrugged like those words even made sense. Bucky rolled his eyes from the floor and Clint huffed like he had heard it too._

_"Thanks, pal," Bucky said sarcastically, "But seriously, don't even try the whole match-making thing. I'm fine and I definitely don't want someone you picked."_

_"Hey, my selection is exquisite, jackass," Tony grumbled and tilted his head to waggle eyebrows at a smirking Steve, "I'm the best at picking out the right ones.I got Steve Rogers."_

_"Hence proving my point," Bucky quipped with a teasing smirk and promptly ducked at the cushions both Steve and Tony threw down at him_. _Clint started yelling about a war when one cushion hit him and soon there was an all-out pillow-fight in the room, with all the others forgetting the movie and joining in, shrieks and war-cries drowning out the tiredness of the battle they had come back from._

"Day dreaming again?" Bucky blinked and came crashing back to the present to see Clint snapping fingers in front of his face with a tight smirk. Bucky lightly slapped his hand away and the archer snorted before plopping down next to Bucky's chair.

"Remember the time when that Asgardian mega-worm came up in Central Park?" Bucky asked, leaning back and tapping haphazardly on the table, "How you, me, Sam and Tony got doused by its mucus when we were trying to find cover and those two flying idiots thought we needed aerial support?"

"Oh God, the  _smell_ of it stuck to my uniform for  _days_ ," Clint chuckled remembering the incident, "To top it off, Tony almost made me bald when his grip shifted, making me almost fall and fucking  _yanking_ me up by my hair. Asshole."

Bucky chuckled a bit at that before shooting Clint a look. "You think he remembers that?" he asked with a dying down laugh.

"No," Clint said promptly, never one for sugar-coating things and Bucky nodded with a tight jaw, "but I'm sure he will soon because the jerk hasn't completed my new bunch of arrows yet."

Bucky shook his head with half a smirk at that. Clint was incapable of being open about emotional topics most of the times, which only made his care for his friends much more genuine. 

"Guy tried to set me up with Sharon that day," Bucky revealed and Clint goggled at him before bursting out in laughter.

"Oh  _God_! How'd that go?"Clint turned on his chair and eyed Bucky with mischievous eyes, "And why don't I know about this already?"

"Cause Sharon ended up dating the manager of the restaurant we went to and Tony felt horrible when I lied about being dumped, " Bucky shrugged with a smirk that had Clint laughing again. Bucky snorted too before sobering up and sighing lightly. "It's weird. Out of all the things, I miss him irritating me the most."

"That's because you always got a chance to irritate him back," Clint quipped with a snort and Bucky rolled his eyes.

He opened his mouth to point out something when they heard footsteps and saw Steve, Pietro, Sam and Wanda come in, still wearing their uniforms. Bucky let his eyes stick to Steve for a moment, watching his best friend walk into the rec room and take a seat that was farthest from his usual spot. Steve didn't sit there anymore, not with the empty chair beside it reminding him of Tony. Nobody commented on it, even though Pietro had once hinted at it only to get promptly shut down by a glare from Bruce. Who was the only one apart from Natasha to get the approval to visit Tony. Bucky really liked Bruce, but right now, looking at Steve, he didn't feel all that kind.

Steve looked, for the lack of a better word, like a zombie. His pale skin was unnaturally paler, eyes hard as flint but emotionless, and his body was so tight strung that Bucky was sure hair-trigger reactions were a daily occurrence now. If he had been capable of falling sick, Steve would have been on bed-rest by now with the way his erratic coping mechanisms were going - unbelievably short sleeping pattern, confirmed unnaturally long cold showers that made him numb, and food intake similar to fuel filling. With Bruce and Natasha having shifted over to the Mansion three days ago, to gather some more info on Tony and keep an eye out, Bucky and Sam were left to deal with Steve's stubbornness. Neither of them found it all that easy but Bucky knew Steve longer and better, so he was practically the only one who could still face the guy at his worst.

"Where's Phil?" Clint asked, smartly avoiding Steve and directing the question at Sam, because Steve looked extra thunderous today and Clint wasn't a sucker for any more tantrums.

"He'll be down here shortly I guess," Sam replied, nodding at Bucky before taking his own seat, "Didn't get any word from him after the call to debrief."

"He's wasting time," Steve grunted and Bucky's eyes locked onto Sam's, sharing a look before Sam shook his head minutely and Bucky bit back a sigh. Steve on normal days was reserved and hesitant of opening up but now? Now he was like an unbreakable vault.

Thankfully, Phil chose that moment to stride in and everyone straightened in their chairs. Phil looked over at everyone, his gaze pausing a bit on Steve before continuing. Seeming satisfied with their condition, he took his place and began the debrief. It's only after half an hour of talking missions that Phil hits them with the bomb.

"And finally the last item for today -- Tony," Phil said, eyes on his tablet and it was like somebody had switched on live electricity through everyone. Even Bucky, Phil, and Clint, who had been half-dozing through the debrief, sat up straight and alert. Steve looked like he was going to leap across the table and snatch the tablet from Phil's hands. 

"We have a couple of updates from him and about him," Phil continued like nothing had changed, "First of all, the basic medical reports are in and -"

Phil projects the files from his tablet onto the screen behind him and everybody focuses on that. Clint mutters some of the terms flashing under his breath and Sam narrows his eyes a couple of times at the numbers. Steve drinks in the entire screen with his eyes, storing it in memory to dissect it again and again later. 

"We've not done extensive tests like we wanted to," Phil points out, ignoring the tenseness of Steve's form when the word 'test' is mentioned, "but with Dr. Banner now with him, we are looking forward to some progress. His preliminary reports show a long road to complete recovery but he is functional and up to daily activities at the moment. Colonel Rhodes has taken over as his prime emergency contact and health contact."

Bucky looked at Steve at that but Steve simply nodded. He trusted Rhodey any day with Tony. Phil seemed to get that too and continued.

"Secondly, on advice from Agent Romanov, who is Tony's closest confidante at this point, we have considered a couple of routes to investigate this case. AIM and Hydra are confirmed culprits but the issue of Stark's memory complicates things. The power to erase memory has been shown and proven by Hydra -"

Bucky swallowed and resolutely didn't flinch at the reminder.

"- but this isn't memory loss. This seems to be memory alteration or manipulation. The expertise of the result suggests a practiced hand or a highly powerful source, but we haven't found anything yet in our list yet. Thor has taken the initiative to delve into magical sources and suspects of...other worlds."

"But have we eliminated all possibilities of our known enemies?" Sam asked and Phil projected the shortlisted names on the screen.

"A majority of them, yes."

"There is always possibility that we do not confirm eliminated," Steve pointed out and Phil nodded in agreement.

"Which is why the next bit of news is quite alarming," he said and Steve frowned at him. Phil never said anything was alarming unless it was almost irredeemable.

Clint must have had the same thought because he was leaning forward in his seat with a similar frown. Phil looked at Wanda for a minute before he met Steve's gaze head-on.

"Tony Stark has officially disbanded the Avengers and Secretary Ross has called for a re-look into the Accords," Phil paused, "Tony is being rumored to be his strongest ally."

"What do you mean  _disbanded the Avengers_?" Sam asked before the stunned others could make a riot.

"You are an independent body ever since you left SHIELD," Phil said calmly, even though his jaw was tight in frustration of the news, "Stark Industries and Tony in person were in-charge of you. Tony is basically your employer, since he is the one who funds you and pays for any collateral damage. Right now, he has issued a notice to SHIELD that he withdraws the funding towards Avengers Initiative and has...for the lack of a better word,  _fired_ you. Starting tomorrow morning, you all are officially not Avengers anymore. Your stay at the Compound will be allowed for another week as per protocol and then a continued stay will be considered trespassing of property."

There was a stunned silence following Phil's announcement. Pietro looked like somebody had slapped him and was staring between Phil and Sam. Sam had a disbelieving expression on his face and was shaking his head to himself. Wanda was extremely still, looking breakable at the slightest touch. Clint had reared back and was thrumming to launch an attack at someone. Bucky's eyes were spitting fire but his eyes were fixed on Steve in concern.

Steve looked extremely calm for someone who had gotten their worst shock. It was only when he opened his mouth that the others realized why.

"I'm going to go meet Tony," he said calmly and stood up, prompting Sam and Bucky to get up cautiously, in case they needed to intervene. Phil looked at the door meaningfully and pressed something on his tablet that put on the re-inforced Hulk-proof metal bars on it. Steve slowly turned to face Phil.

"Open the door, Phil," he said in an eerily quiet voice that suggested violence in a minute.

"Steve, you know I can't do that. You aren't allowed to meet him," Phil replied in the same calm tone and Clint slowly got up, edging himself closer to Phil in case he had to cover for him.

"Coulson, open it," Steve pressed on again, still calm but Bucky could see the tightening of his fists.

"Steve, you need to calm down," Sam said from beside him, "Just sit down. We'll sort this out."

Steve looked at Sam for a second before he let out a soft 'No' and then the action started. Bucky had to physically throw himself in between Steve and the window to stop him from jumping out like the fool he was. Pietro had jumped up to his feet and whizzed past Steve, snatching the shield off his back. Sam and Bucky had a hard time fighting a resolute Steve and Clint had cocked his gun beside Phil when Steve froze.

"That's enough, Captain," Wanda said and everyone turned to see her with a raised hand, holding Steve in place with her powers, "If you don't calm down right now, I will be forced to tie you down to your chair. Please Steve, don't make me do that."

Steve's eyes were wide and looked betrayed but they softened when Bucky hesitantly came closer.

"Stevie, pal, I know. I know and I'm sorry," he said softly, knowing the heartbreak that Steve was going through, "but don't do this. Not now."

"C'mon Cap, stand down. We need you to stay calm for us," Clint nodded from beside Phil who looked at Steve with a gaze of understanding. Sam moved in closer and put a hand on Steve's shoulder when Wanda released her powers. Steve froze at the touch before almost crumbling, barely keeping himself on his feet.

Phil breathed out and released the lock on the doors.

"He won't--Tony would never do that. This isn't him. He needs our help. He needs my help," Steve said with a fierce whisper and Sam swallowed his own choke.

"I know, Steve. We all know that," he said and met Bucky's eyes over Steve's bowed head, "but right now, Tony isn't himself. Whatever is going on, we need to understand it better so that we can fight it. He needs you to fight right now. For us. For him."

"Sam is right, Cap," Pietro added as he stood beside his sister, an arm around her shoulder, " _He_ doesn't remember us all that well, but we remember him, right?"

Steve breathed in once with a shudder before breathing out and running a hand over his face.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, looking up at Phil who shot him a sad smile.

"I'm sorry too," Phil shrugged before growing a bit more serious, "but that isn't the worst part of the news."

Everybody stilled and Steve felt his blood run cold when Phil spoke the next words.

"We have information that Ross has completed the work on the Raft. And Stark has been chosen for its security. We think-- we think it will be involved in the Accords somehow."

This time nobody stopped Steve when he slowly slid into a chair and let out a soft but fierce expletive that he would  _never_ had let pass through his lips before. Somehow, it seemed appropriate for the disaster they were in.

**********

"No"

"You don't have to do anything. You simply have to meet them," Natasha repeated and avoided Rhodey's murderous glare as she kept her eyes fixed on Tony.

"Sure, why don't I go and adopt them altogether with that," Tony shot back in a saccharine tone and venomous look. Natasha sensed Bruce's body freeze for a moment but then he was back to normal. If only Tony knew how close that comment hit home...

"Tony, you were the one who insisted on handing over the documents yourself," Natasha reminded him calmly even though she was cursing the situation in her head. She  _knew_ that Tony had said that in a bitter moment thinking about rubbing in the wound more. But this was the only chance the others would ever get to see him and she couldn't deprive them of that. Not when everything was falling apart. "Look, you don't have to talk or answer anything. Just come with us and hand over the documents."

"I don't want to hand it over, I want to  _throw it in their face_ ," Tony corrected absent-mindedly and Bruce shared a look with Rhodey who looked equally pained at the hatred in Tony's voice. This was the family he had created. Tony would have ripped into anyone who had dared to harm them before and now, he himself was hurting them harder than imaginable. 

"Fine!" Tony threw his hands in the air finally, "I'll come. Like it's going to make any difference. But if they so much as breathe wrong, I'm blaming their imprisonment on you. Deal?"

"Deal," Natasha agreed even though she had to bite back a strangled yell at the thought that  _Tony_ was threatening the Avengers with the Raft.

"Cool. Let's go serve some assholes their eviction papers," Tony clapped his hands sarcastically and Natasha saw Bruce breathe in and out deeply to control himself from doing something drastic.

Things had gone completely out of control the minute Tony had seemed to find a semblance of normalcy in movement and his injuries had seemed to heal a bit. It had been blow after blow to handle, when Tony had sent out the notice that he was withdrawing his support of the Avengers. Pepper had tried to stall him with talks of legality and procedure but had been completely cut off by the cold way in which Tony had responded.

_"The company may be in under you now, Ms. Potts, but the Avengers Initiative was never your concern. Either stay out of it or let it happen, Pepper."_

They couldn't persuade him or push him without revealing anything that could harm him more. Natasha had received Sam's call last night and she really had to hand it to him for keeping Steve sane through the shock. They had sat through the entire night, trying to figure out  _some_ way they could stop this madness before it got out of hand. Nothing had materialized except for Clint making the crudest comments about Hydra and Bucky going into a panic attack.

Bruce had retired to the Hulk room a long time before that had happened.

Now, as they waited outside the Compound, ready to go in and serve the eviction notice to the Avengers, Natasha caught Rhodey's eye. Rhodey had been the most conflicted of them all. He wouldn't ever let go of Tony's side but he also knew how ridiculous all of this sounded. To top it off, Tony hadn't yet told them what exactly happened during his captivity. Considering that, it was pretty tame of him to settle for disbanding the team and evicting them, by Natasha's calculation. Taking a deep breath, Nat followed Tony, Rhodey and Bruce inside the Compound.

Wanda was with Pietro and Bucky in the kitchen when Junebug announced that Tony was here. Pietro had to physically restrain Bucky from going to the living room to meet him. Everybody knew that Bucky had a special relationship with Tony. They were two peas in a pod and the best part was that they were both the most important people in Steve's life. Wanda had opened her mouth to calm Bucky down when they heard voices of Sam and Steve. Before she could stop them, Bucky and Pietro had commanded the AI to open up a screen to watch what was happening in the reunion. Wanda simply sighed at that and decided to not join them. She couldn't bear to see it if it made things worse. And she had promised herself that she would keep things under control. Walking away, she started towards her room, which was near the living room, when she felt it. The first bout of memory was so strong that she had to hold on to the wall to support herself. She knew that she could read minds but she kept away from that as much as she could nowadays. She couldn't do anything though, if someone had no control and was projecting it fiercely, unstable and violently emotional. She saw in horror as she realized that it was a memory from Tony's mind. 

_He couldn't plead anymore. He couldn't even lift his head from the chair's headrest. He wished it was pain, he desperately wished that it was pain which had rendered him boneless. Pain wouldn't have brought this wave of absolute soul crushing shame with it. Pain wouldn't have made Tony feel weaker than ever. Pain would have given him strength. Pain would have been a friend._

_Pleasure--pleasure was his enemy and they had made sure that he met her again and again and again._

_"With us again, doll?" a rough and low voice rang somewhere behind him, in the darkness. It was always darkness before his eyes accepted being blind and his skin went on sensory overload. "Aww, look at him. All ripe and shy. Why're you shy, babydoll? After what we did, you should be more of the big, loud slut you are."_

_A laughter rang from beside him and Tony tried, he tried to shut it out because he recognized both these voices. He wanted to yell at them. He wanted to cry that he wasn't shy, he was broken. They were taking every drop of his soul and he couldn't fight back anymore._

_He wanted to yell it all out when he felt the touch again, soft and slow, rough and precise hands smoothing over his skin. Hands that handled guns and death like a maestro. A metal hand on his left flank and the flesh hand on his right. It always started slow. It always started soft._

_He tried harder to raise his head from the soiled lounge chair. It took all his energy to do so and even more to turn his head a bit, to catch a glimpse of the man who was going to take him apart again._

_He caught sight of the metal arm instead and opened his mouth to plead._

_A groan slipped out and Tony hated himself all over again._

"-Wanda? Wanda!" Pietro shook her firmly and she snapped back to the present to realize that she had collapsed to the floor sometime during her sight. She was shaking, her hands clenched around her elbows and her cheeks wet from tears she didn't know she had shed. "Wanda, what's wrong? What happened?"

"You alright, kiddo?" she heard another voice above her and snapped her eyes up to see the metal arm followed by concerned pale eyes.

"You -- you did --" Wanda gasped and shuddered all over again, recalling the horrifying memory she had seen without intention. Bucky's eyes widened and he raised his hands in peace, wondering what he had done. Pietro frowned at his sister and moved in closer, cupping her face to make her look back at him.

"Wanda, what did you see? What happened?" he asked again and saw her panicked eyes snap back to him.

"Oh God, Pietro!" she gasped and clutched at his shirt, "What have they done to him? What have they done?! He -- Oh God,  _Tony_ \--"

"Tony? Is everything okay with him?" Bucky whispered in alertness and made a move to walk into the living room when Wanda snapped up swiftly.

"No!" she hissed fiercely and Bucky had to step back at the rage in her eyes. She must have noticed it when she breathed in and her eyes looked more determined than angry. "No, you will  _not_ go near him. Never. Not until we reverse whatever -- whatever this is. Do you understand me, Barnes? No."

"The hell?" Bucky whispered and looked like he was going to argue when Wanda's eyes went cold and even Pietro had to step forward in caution.

"Barnes, if you ever go near him, things will not end well for you. I promise," she said quietly and Bucky froze. Wanda didn't bother explaining and quickly sped up to her room, hoping that nobody would spot her till she was inside.

She wasn't surprised to see Clint there on her floor and he took one look at her before he ushered her into her room, following her inside.

"What's wrong, honey?" he asked firmly and Wanda felt her dam break as the door closed.

When she had finished speaking, Clint felt his blood run cold. He was going to kill them, whoever had done this. He knew for a fact that the others would do the same too.

But Steve? When Steve found a hint about this, he was going to tear the world apart.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, it wasn't Bucky. That's all the hint I can give. Feedback will make me love you all more <3 <3


	6. Red Against Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was dreading this chapter in a way but it had to be done. I am really sorry.  
> Also, warnings apply. As usual.

Sam was practiced in hand-to-hand combat, much more than people presumed him to be. He had faced Bucky as the Winter Soldier couple of times and that guy was  _vicious_ if he wanted to be. Still, Sam had stood his own ground and had come out alive and kicking. He could go a couple of rounds with the best of the best. He was a trained combatant. he was a survivor.

What he wasn't was a match for a wounded Tony Stark because when others fell under pain, Tony always rose sharper and more ruthless in it. Usually that would be great but not quite when it was all targeted at them.

"He didn't mean it," Sam said slowly watching as Tony, Rhodey and Bruce walked away, "You know he didn't mean any of it, right Steve?"

"He meant it," Steve replied plainly, even though Sam knew that those words, those barbs would keep him awake tonight, "He meant it all."

"Steve," Sam called out in a pained voice, "Cap, come on. You can't keep this on you. He's not--this isn't him."

Steve didn't nod or answer. Honestly, there was nothing for him to answer and he really hated giving false assurances. He simply took a second to swallow the lump on this throat and turned around from the door, walking past Sam, towards his own room. He had packing to do.

"When we find whoever did this, will you let me take the first shot?" Sam asked casually, not looking back and heard a small snort before Natasha came forward and stood beside him, arms crossed across her chest.

"You'd have to fight two people to be the first one," she replied blandly even though he could tell that she biting back her own brand of fury in her voice. Natasha had chosen to stay back in the Compound, lying to Tony that she would make sure that they all left without any further drama. The truth was that she needed to make sure that Steve didn't do something stupid after Tony's diatribe.

"Steve and you?"

"Tony and Steve," she corrected with a smug smirk evident in her voice and Sam turned to raise an eyebrow at her, "You think Tony will spare anyone who messed with his brain?"

Sam simply smirked back at the unspoken add-on. Tony wouldn't spare anyone who had put him in a position to hate Steve Rogers.

"Come on, let's go stop the good Captain from destroying his room," Natasha bumped Sam's shoulder with hers and they both wordlessly made their way towards Steve's room.

Of course, halfway through they dashed into a certain speedster. Sam had to put out a hand to steady Pietro for a second before they noted his face and immediately Natasha was taking over because the guy looked  _pale_.

"What happened?" she demanded in her practiced calm voice but Pietro visibly composed himself and simply said one word.

"Wanda"

Sam and Natasha shared a look before all three of them were hurrying up to the Scarlet Witch's room.

*******

Steve wouldn't have stopped. He really wasn't in the mood to solve squabbles or arguments, no matter how loud they were getting. But he had to stop when he came across Pietro and Bucky in the kitchen en route to his room. They didn't look like they were arguing. They looked like they were one step away from going at each other's throats and Steve 

For a second Steve thought Bucky was going to push Pietro off or Pietro was going to surge against Bucky. 

"What's going on?" he asked firmly and both of them whipped around to stare at him. 

"Wanda knows something about Tony," Bucky said without preamble and ignored Pietro when the younger man glared at him, "and this punk isn't letting me ask her what it is."

Steve stared at Bucky before looking at Pietro.

"Steve..."

The cautious tone of his name confirmed Steve's doubt and he simply turned around to walk up to Wanda's room. Pietro tried to stop him but Bucky had a strong hold on the man's arm, murmuring something low into his ear. Pietro muttered something obscene in response but followed Steve nonetheless.

As soon as they entered Wanda's room, Steve knew that something horrible had happened because Clint was curled around Wanda protectively as the young woman held her head in her hands, fingers clutching at her hair like she wanted something to get out of her brain. Pietro took one look at her and rushed to join Clint on the bed, gently hugging his sister from the side.

"Wanda?" Steve attempted in a calming voice and ignored Pietro's annoyed look, "What's wrong, sweetheart? Pietro and Bucky said that you've been upset ever since Tony visited. What happened?"

"Cap, maybe we shouldn't -" Clint was cut off when Wanda shook her head and looked up finally.

"No Clint, he deserves to know," she said in a shaking voice and Steve noted her red-rimmed eyes with trepidation as she stared at him, "But first, I want everyone here. I can't- I can't repeat this again. Please."

Steve stared for a minute before looking at Pietro who sucked in a breath before rushing out the door to bring in Sam and Natasha. It took only a couple of minutes for them to come in and Natasha took in the scene before her cautiously before stepping closer to Steve. Wanda glanced at everyone and everyone noted her gaze stilling on Bucky for a minute before she took a deep breath and spoke.

"I saw some of Tony's memories," she began quietly and immediately Natasha tensed up.

"I thought we agreed not to -"

"Not voluntarily," Wanda clarified with a shake of her head returning Natasha's stare before looking at Steve, "He was projecting them. Loudly. Which meant that he was remembering something hard enough to do it."

"What did you see?" Sam asked curiously and Clint's face tensed beside Wanda but he clenched his jaw and kept silent.

"I'm sorry" Wanda whispered in Bucky's direction before she held Steve's gaze and began retelling the memory. She had to squeeze Clint's hand during moments where she felt like she was going to throw up but didn't stop talking. 

"Steve...I'm so sorry," she whispered in the end and closed her eyes, tucking her face into the crook of Clint's neck as the archer hugged her protectively. 

The entire room was silent enough that one could hear the heartbeat of every individual. Natasha had inched closer to Bucky and Sam to Steve in a move to provide support at the first hint even though they felt gutted themselves. 

Natasha always took strength from the cold, from planning ways in which she would get justice or revenge. Her mind flitted through her own memories of the Red Room helplessly and that only served to make the icy rage in her grow as she imagined the memory Wanda had shared. The Russian knew what torture was intimately, having felt it through most of her life. She also knew what rape was, what it did to a person and how the scars remained. But this wasn't as simple as that, if simple could be used as a comparison. This was betrayal. Somebody had used Bucky's impersonation, somebody had used one of Tony's family to make him go through hell. Somebody had broken Tony's spirit using a friend, someone Tony had been protective about. She forced herself to breathe, promising vengeance in her heart for the future, focusing on the rest of her team for now. Her eyes met Sam's over Steve's shoulder and she could see how badly he was affected too.

Sam had always been closer to Steve but Tony had become a constant in his life somehow, ever since he had opened up to be the genius' friend all that time ago. To imagine an inkling of what fate he had gone through, of what the bastards had made him believe, the very thought made Sam want to punch someone. The Avengers were a family and nobody could deny it, not with all that they had survived and built together. Sam trusted these people, trusted  _Tony_ to have his back without doubt and to think that Tony had gone through the humiliation nobody deserved at the hands of someone who pretended to be one of them? Sam's mind went into areas of therapy where people never recovered from certain traumas and he hated the moment for feeling that Tony might become one of them. His gaze cut to Pietro, who was gripping his sister with naked horror on his face, his young eyes reflecting his unbound imagination of the worst.

Pietro doesn't know why but his eyes cut to Bucky and  _that_ makes him suck in a painful breath. He knows, he knows that Tony is the victim here and that this was just one memory of what the man could have gone through for four months, but it's the sight of Barnes that scares him more. Pietro knows intimately what it feels like to hurt people you only meant to protect. The guilt, the shame, the pain - even if it was not necessary and not on your name, it always hurt more than physical wounds. It made you hollow from your soul, bit by bit, till you only felt ice inside. The face of Bucky Barnes confirmed that thought.

Bucky felt a ringing in his ears that just wouldn't goddamn stop. It sounded Russian in its edges and curves, like commands that controlled him once. Like a sentence that broke him again and again for decades, making him sell his humanity for yet another day of breathing. It felt like ice, like fire, like burning and freezing together, the pain constant and unrelenting. There had been no shame in the Soldier all those years ago when he killed someone but when the control dropped and awareness tried to wriggle in, Bucky had always felt lower than shit. He had begged for an end from that cycle of shame and guilt, of hurting innocents for the evil. He had wanted to die instead of kill but he didn't have that power. Today, as he stood as a free man with his own mind, he felt like filth again. The ringing of Russian commands, like phantom pain that accompanied you for life, taunted him that he would never get over it. He had hurt another person, even if it wasn't really him.  _Tony_ , his mind supplied viciously,  _he had hurt Tony_. The man whose parents he had killed and the man who had given him a home, a family, a friendship that didn't judge based on the past. The man who had made Steve love again. Bucky had hurt him. It was too much to handle and Bucky felt familiar stirring of bile come up, rushing out the door to throw up somewhere he didn't have to face eyes that reminded him of what Tony thought he was now.

It's Pietro who follows him quietly, squeezing his sister's shoulder once before he goes to comfort the person who probably would never ask for it. Wanda watches her brother go and then locks her gaze onto Steve's face. Steve, who seems to have shut down completely.

"Steve?" she tries once and looks at Natasha who moves closer to the Captain.

"Steve, you need to say something, okay?" the Russian says calmly because Natasha is always calm, in her touches, in her speech, she has always been stronger than them all, "You're scaring the others."

Slowly, projecting her movements, she put up her hand and laid it on his shoulder. He didn't flinch, didn't react or say anything. Natasha rubbed circles into his shoulder and looked at Sam who came closer and placed his own hand at Steve's back, another anchor.

"Steve, buddy you need to say something," Sam agreed with Natasha because they both knew Steve, knew that he would internalize this so fast that it would become impossible to get him out of his head later, "Anything, okay?"

Surprisingly, it's Clint who gets through to Steve when he gets up from the bed and walks up to the Captain before doing the unthinkable. Clint has always been a risk-taker and he doesn't hesitate this time too. Where the others are cautious with Steve, he simply walks up to him and cups a hand around the guy's neck, providing direct skin touch.

"Look at me, Steve" he says firmly and pressed till Steve obeys and looks at Clint properly. The archer grins weakly then, "Hey buddy, you gotta stay with us, okay? We need you to get our boy back. Tony would tell you to get over yourself and get the job done, you know that."

Steve takes a shuddering breath at Tony's name and closes his eyes but Clint, Nat and Sam are right there, holding his weight till he can breathe properly again. He didn't realize when Wanda joined them but soon he has four of his friends touching him, holding him, in their own strange way hugging him. In that moment, Steve thinks that maybe he can breathe without the ice for sometime.

They don't move for a few minutes, all of them taking warmth and comfort from each other till Steve entangled himself from them.

"I've got to go talk to Buck," he shook his head and Natasha looks at Clint before nodding at the Captain.

"Sure, but maybe you should wait a while," she said and held out a hand when he shot her a look, "He needs a minute to digest what he heard, Steve. Let Pietro handle him for a minute and then you both can talk. He won't face you otherwise, you know that."

Steve looked like he was going to protest but today had been really too draining for them and he knew that Natasha was right. He simply nodded and rubbed a shaking hand over his face as he tried to think of what he could possibly say to Bucky that could not be a lie.

*******

Vision stared at the chess-board in front of him, calculating the next ten moves and countering them in his head. It was interesting, playing against Friday, no matter how many times Wanda had told him that it was weird and 'dorky'. Vision didn't really understand that term, dorky, but Wanda had always called him that whenever he did something that surprised her, so he assumed that it meant something good.

He missed Wanda. He missed all the other Avengers as well but he missed Wanda the most because Wanda had patience when it came to him. Like the time when she had to explain long and hard about why people giggled and fell over when they drank too much alcohol and then had dutifully taught him how to act tipsy so that he could feel normal when the others would get drunk. Vision had the art of singing off-key songs perfected by now thanks to her.

This whole situation was alien to him, probably because he didn't understand fear and secrets all that much. He did not see why they were not telling Tony the truth about his kidnapping or the facts about his mind-manipulation. He wished they would or that Tony could find out for himself.

He didn't say it out loud though, because Dr. Banner always looked strange when he so much as hinted it. 

"Friday, your move" he said after he made his own and smiled at the nearest camera as he waited for the AI to present her move.

"KC6" the AI responded and Vision peered at the board before arranging Friday's pieces accordingly, "Vision, may I ask you a question?"

"Yes?"

"Do you ... do you know what is exactly the problem with Tony?" The AI hesitated and Vision looked up from his board.

"I do not know much about the emotional part but I do know that he was tortured during his kidnapping," he answered, "Why do you ask?"

"His patterns seem a bit erratic," Friday responded, "He hasn't visited the workshop much and he seems to attend a lot of calls from Mr. Ross."

"Colonel Rhodes hasn't asked you to block the calls, has he?" Vision mused.

"No, he told me to monitor them though but without revealing any information about the past four months to Tony," the AI sounded frustrated in her static, "It is tampering with my protocols though, because there was a pattern earlier that indicated that Tony disliked Ross and avoided his calls."

"It  **is** strange," Vision agreed but then added, "but we have been given guidelines not to reveal any startling facts to Tony till explicitly approved by Dr. Banner. So I believe it is advisable to follow the current pattern, don't you think?"

"Maybe" Friday relented a bit but she still sounded a bit uncertain and Vision diverted the attention back to the game with his next move. He could sense that the AI was uneasy with the current situation as he was but he didn't know what they could do to change it.

He hoped Friday could find a way out with a better success probability than the plans of the Avengers till now.

**********

"Has the subject responded as expected?" the man in the black coat asked the shorter man standing in front of him. Strucker adjusted his monocle and cleared his throat before answering.

"Yes, sir," he nodded, "According to our latest information, Stark has already disbanded the Avengers and sent them back into SHIELD. It is only a matter of time before we will be able to proceed to our next phase."

"Good, Herr Strucker," the man in the swivelling black coat smiled in a sickening way, "I am pleased with your actions this far. Have you contacted our little puppet in the government yet? How are the Accords coming along?"

"He has them under control, sir. I believe he will be able to be successful in getting them passed this time," Strucker smirked a bit.

"And then the mighty Avengers, Earth's mightiest heroes, will fall into our hands," the taller man laughed, staring at the small bit of red stone concealed in a glove of his hand, "I must say, Herr Strucker, this was a marvelous plan."

"Zemo always had a brilliant mind, sir. Probably more than his father," Strucker replied, "All he needed was a little push and the unfortunate 'accident' of his entire family was just what we needed."

"Yes, a little push is all one needs, isn't it?" the talled man hummed in agreement, swirling the red stone bit in his hand before meeting Strucker's eyes, "Get ready to begin phase 2, Herr Strucker. Our Master Titan will be pleased to know that the countdown for his arrival will begin shortly."

"As you say, sir," Strucker nodded, "hail Hydra!"

"Hail Hydra" the red faced man replied and watched as his long faithful follower walked out of the room, to go initiate the next step of their plan to wipe out their biggest enemies from the core.

it was time Captain America and his little band of fighters were stopped, once and for all.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a plot brewing and a trail of bread-crumbs to chase. There is an ace in the hole who hasn't shown cards yet.  
> A short chapter, yes, but I'll make it up with a longer one soon. Till then, feedback please <3

**Author's Note:**

> Erm, so another fic. I guess I'm just in a horrible mood. Or maybe I just have way too many ideas screaming in my head. I'm currently updating my other fics too, but I'd like to write this one simultaneously. I think I could do something good with this. Please review and let me know what you think?


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